


This Is Not Because I Like You

by KidWolff



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, LGBTQ, Lesbian, Love, One Shot, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24223054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KidWolff/pseuds/KidWolff
Summary: Snippets and one-shots of Catra and Adora's lives, mostly after the show, and some AU's.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 90





	1. Bath Time

**Author's Note:**

> The first 5 chapters were written before the S5 finale, but I wanted to share them anyway as a new start on ao3. There will be more chapters that are more focused on their lives after the show.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora has to find a way to coerce Catra into taking a bath in Brightmoon.

Cat-people were not fond of water. In fact, it was practically their enemy. They avoided it at all costs. A bath was only taken if necessary, and it was typically less than a minute long. While baths or showers soothed most people, it irritated cat-people’s bodies.  
Catra was no exception to this.  
Catra and her new friends at Bright Moon were returning from training. Their training paled in comparison to her training at the Fright Zone, but she enjoyed it still. It was more or less a way for her to bond with these new people. As they left the area, most of them headed towards the showers.  
“Catra, aren’t you coming?” Bow had asked.  
Catra glared back at him. While she had grown fond of him, she didn’t take kindly to the question. Luckily, Adora stepped in and laid a hand on his shoulder.  
“Eh, she doesn’t need to take showers as often as we do. She’ll be fine.” Adora explained.  
Catra appreciated the partial lie so that the others wouldn’t think she’s gross. She would need a shower eventually. But for now, she nodded and headed back towards her room.  
Her room wasn’t actually her room. It was Adora’s room. But when they were finally reunited after the war and said their dues, they fell right back in to old habits. Catra found peaceful sleep again once she could fall asleep at Adora’s feet.  
So that’s where she was when Adora returned from the showers. Adora chuckled and sat on the bed, beginning to rub her head. Catra mewed and sleepily grabbed her hand.  
“Hey, Adora.”  
They both chuckled at their little inside joke and Adora slid into bed with her. As they both situated themselves, Adora spoke up. “Catra, you are starting to smell a little bit.”  
Catra leaned up on Adora’s legs with a chirp “We’ll deal with it when we have to.”  
Adora shook her head and finally laid back to go to sleep.  
Another week went by before the smell was too much to bare. Adora stopped her from leaving their room that morning.  
“Catra!” She whisper-yelled. “You need a bath soon! Like today! I can’t have you walking around the palace and to meetings smelling like this!”  
Catra huffed and crossed her arms. “I’m not going willingly. We’re not in the Fright Zone anymore where we were punished for stupid things.”  
Both of them paused as memories came flooding back.  
Catra shook her head and smirked. “How ‘bout this? You catch me, I’ll take a bath.”  
Adora stared at her, wondering if she was serious. Her chances of actually catching Catra were slim to none. “Catra, you know you’re faster than me.”  
The cat-girl laughed. “I know! So I guess I’m not getting a bath.”  
Now they both stared at each other. Catra saw the twist of Adora’s foot before Adora even knew she was moving. Adora dove for Catra, but the cat-girl easily dodged and ran for the door.  
Glimmer and Bow were shocked that as they approached Adora’s room, Catra came bursting out, laughing as she dashed away. Adora stomped through the door, glaring in the direction Catra ran.  
Her two friends stood there in confusion. “Um, is everything okay?” Bow asked.  
Adora sighed and looked back at them. A smile slowly formed on her face as she thought of some ideas to catch Catra. 

Catra skidded to a stop when she saw Adora and Bow waiting at the end of the hall. She smirked as she prepared herself for their move.  
Adora dashed towards Catra and tried to grab her. Catra merely dodged her. This continued for a minute while Bow was setting up his arrow. Catra saw a glimpse of his bow and arrow a second too late. The arrow whizzed towards her an exploded into a net as it approached. Catra screeched as she fumbled with the net.  
Adora waltzed up to her with a smirk. “Hey, Catra. Looks like I caught you.”  
Catra groaned, then smirked. In a flash, she had ripped through the net with her claws. “Really, Adora? That’s your big plan?! Geez, I thought you were smarter than that.”  
Catra then started running away again, with Adora hot on her heels.  
Bow kneeled next to his arrow net with big tears running down his face.

Adora’s next attempt involved Glimmer. The princess still wasn’t too fond of Catra, but she agreed to help Adora anyway.  
When they found Catra again, she was sitting on the balcony outside of Adora’s room. The door creaked as they opened it and quickly panicked to hide.  
Catra whipped around at the sound of the door and peered around the room. She knew she heard something, but the door was closed and no one was around. She sighed and returned to sit on the balcony.  
Glimmer and Adora held each other as they anxiously watched Catra walk away. They were huddled in the chandelier fixture at the very top of the ceiling. They sighed in relief and Glimmer poofed them back to the ground.  
It took several seconds for Catra to recognize the different scent in their room, and when she did it was too late. Glimmer poofed behind her, grabbed her shoulder, and poofed her to the showers. There, a full bath was already waiting.  
Glimmer groaned in defeat. Catra hadn’t landed in the bath. She had transported them both directly into the bath, but Catra grabbed her and climbed on top of her before jumping away. She hissed as her feet had dipped into the water and ran as fast as possible.  
Adora skidded to a halt as she ran to catch up with her friends. She found Glimmer sulking in the bath water with Catra nowhere in sight. She sighed and hung her head. 

This was her last resort. She had requested Mermista’s help, who was reluctant to help but said if she saw Catra she’d try.  
Catra had been walking around the perimeter of the castle. She kept glancing around her quickly to make sure Adora hadn’t followed her. She didn’t pay attention to someone else getting ready to attack her.  
She blinked when the lake water began receding. She looked up and gasped at the sizable wave forming in front of her.  
“I don’t really want to do this, Catra.” Mermista said, almost bored. “But Adora asked me to.”  
Catra growled and balled her hands. “Adora!”  
The cat-girl didn’t have time to think about how she was going to get revenge on her girlfriend because she had to think fast about how to avoid this wave. She almost panicked. How was she supposed to dodge this?  
She huffed as she jumped to dodge the first attack, but a second wave was already waiting and splashed directly into her.  
“Gah! Adora! You’re gonna pay for this!” Catra yelled out. She knew Adora had to be nearby.  
Adora watched with glee as Mermista soaked Catra. The girl ended up running away until she was out of Mermista’s reach. 

Adora was reading a book in bed when Catra finally returned. Catra practically growled her name as she slammed the door open. Adora smiled at her and sat up. “Well, now was that so bad?”  
“Yes!” Catra groaned. It had been several hours since Catra had been soaked, but her fur and mane were still damp. And since it had just been the lake water and not clean and soapy water, Catra smelled worst actually.  
Adora covered her nose and grimaced. “Okay, maybe it wasn’t the best idea.”  
“You think?” Catra responded and moved to sit down on the bed.  
“Ah ah! There’s no way you’re coming to bed smelling like that!” Adora hollered.  
Catra almost looked heartbroken. “What?! But it’s your fault I smell worst now!”  
Adora sighed and stood up to hold her hand. “I know, I’m sorry. How about I make it up to you?”  
Catra rose a brow. “How?”  
Adora smiled sweetly at her. “You still need a bath, there’s no arguing that.” Catra had opened her mouth to respond until Adora finished her sentence. “If you agree to take a bath, I’ll join you and help wash your hair.”  
Catra blinked, then stared at her girlfriend in consideration. She hated the idea of taking a bath but having Adora join her made that thought a little more bearable.  
She sighed. “Okay, Adora.”

Adora had agreed to get in first after filling the bath with warm water. Catra still wasn’t happy to be there, but a deal is a deal. She took a deep breath as she watched Adora undress from the corner of her eye. It wasn’t the first time they had ever seen each other naked. It was normal in the Fright Zone since they only had communal showers. But being here, in Bright Moon, where they were finally safe and able to explore themselves, it made her nervous.  
Adora showed no nervousness, however, as she finally soaked in the bath. She sighed in relief, then looked to Catra, motioning her to join her.  
Catra huffed and finally undressed as well. She hissed as she dipped just one toe in the water.  
“Catra, stop being so dramatic. Sit down.” Adora ushered.  
Catra groaned and slowly sank down into the water. She held a grimace on her face, feeling very uncomfortable in the water. Not all of her was fur, but the water made her feel very heavy and it irritated the animal side of her.  
She felt a soft hand on her cheek, breaking her out of her thoughts. Adora smiled in front of her and nuzzled their noses together. “Hey, it’s alright. Just relax.”  
Catra took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she tried to relax even a little bit.  
Adora reached outside of the tub to retrieve cloths and soap. She lathered up the cloths then handed one to Catra. “Here, you wash your front. I’ll wash your back. So, turn around.”  
Catra forced herself to not blush and cautiously took the cloth. She took some more deep breaths as she hated having to take time to clean herself like this. Then she felt something on her back, and she sighed in relief. It may still be a bath, but she loved her back being rubbed.  
“See? Not so bad.” Adora joked.  
“Heh, whatever.” Catra responded quietly.  
She quickly finished washing the front of her body, while Adora seemed to be taking her time washing her back. She was just trying to help her relax. After another minute or two scrubbing her back, Adora finished up and then scratched her back. Catra let out a happy chirp and closed her eyes, truly relaxing for the first time since she sat down.  
Adora smiled. “Alright, I’m going to run some water through your hair, but I’ll do just a little bit at a time.”  
Catra nodded. She trusted Adora.  
Adora grabbed a cup and poured just a little bit of water at a time so that Catra could adjust to the feeling. It was better than soaking her hair all at once and having Catra jump out of the bath. It took several cups for her hair to be adequately wet enough to shampoo it. Adora set the cup down and grabbed the bottle of shampoo, lathering her hair with the substance.  
Catra began to relax again, letting her hands rest on Adora’s legs on either side of her. Adora smiled and finished cleaning her mane, warning her again when it was time to rinse the shampoo out.  
Once Catra was finally all clean, Adora was content to just rub her head and shoulders. It took a few minutes, but finally Catra let out a purr. Adora smiled brightly and continued her ministrations. She felt the cat-girl’s body relax.  
“Want to lay back?” Adora asked.  
Catra nodded and let her girlfriend pull her against her body, happy that she continued to rub her scalp. “If I get this kind of treatment every time I need a bath, I might not fight it so much.”  
Adora chuckled, tucking away that information for the next time.  
They sat quietly in the bath, content to sit with each other. Adora continued massaging her head, rubbing behind her ears, until she heard a quiet snore. She paused and looked over the girl’s mane, then gave a tired smile to see that she was asleep.  
“Yeah, we can do this next time.” Adora whispered.


	2. Boxes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra discovers her fondness of cardboard boxes.

Since the war had ended, everyone seemed to be working together pretty well. People were learning to trust each other again, thanks to the Princess Alliance. And that meant learning some new things about people you already knew.

Adora had been visiting Entrapta’s lab with Glimmer, Bow, and Catra. Usually Catra was busy doing…whatever it is that she does when Adora leaves Bright Moon, but Entrapta had asked her to come along too.  
“Alright, we’re here, what do you want show us?” Catra asked, bored.  
Entrapta lifted her goggles at the sounds of her friends entering. She laughed aloud and pulled Catra into a hug. Catra meowed loudly, not used to being touched by someone, outside of Adora.  
“Oh Catra, I only asked for you to join so I could see you again. I haven’t seen you in months!” Entrapta replied, letting go of the cat-girl.  
Catra sighed. “I know, sorry about that.”  
“Anddd we’re here now! So, what’s this cool thing you were telling me about?” Glimmer interjected.  
Entrapta smiled and led them further into her lab, speaking code most of the time. Adora slid next to Catra and smoothly grabbed her hand. “Since when are you okay with that?”  
Catra whipped up, thinking Adora was jealous, but was surprised to see a smile. Catra sighed. “When you spend enough time with a mad scientist, you get used to her methods.”  
Adora pestered her no further and they followed the others. They walked in and Entrapta was still speaking gibberish about whatever new robot thing she discovered. Catra sighed loudly and threw her head back. Adora giggled and tried to at least listen to their friend’s research.  
Catra blinked and pulled herself upright. She glanced back to the door and saw a box waiting to be disposed of.  
When Adora felt Catra’s hand slip away, she thought nothing of it, figuring that the cat-girl had gotten bored and left to find something to do.  
After listening to Entrapta for several more minutes without a break, Adora was starting to get bored too. She looked around the room to see if Catra was still around. She almost thought Catra had left. That is, until she saw a black tail moving through the air. She glanced back at her friends, but they paid her no mind. Adora wandered over to the corner where a couple import boxes laid open. They must’ve been to deliver new parts to the lab.  
Adora followed the tail to find its owner and had to hold in a laugh when she found Catra laying inside the box. “Hng, Catra…”  
The girl’s ear flickered, letting her know she was at least aware of her presence. She peeked one eye open. “You tell no one about this.” She growled.  
Adora was still covering her laugh and nodded her head in agreement. She carefully tiptoed back to her friends. When Entrapta finally finished talking and began guiding them to another room to show them more things, their friends questioned where Catra was. Inwardly, they still didn’t trust the cat-girl.  
Adora laughed nervously and motioned them forward. “Ah, don’t worry about her. She’ll find us before we leave.”

Catra rose a brow at the sight in front of her. “Adora, what is this?”  
Adora chuckled nervously. “Well after seeing how relaxed you were back at the lab, I thought maybe I’d bring some of that here.”  
Catra laughed and covered her eyes. “Are you serious? You brought up that box from the lab!”  
Adora pouted. “I thought it was cute.”  
“Oh, Adora.” Catra purred, wrapping her arm around her shoulders. “I appreciate the thought, but that’s not something I really do.”  
Adora quirked her head. “But I saw you do it at the lab!”  
“Yeah, yeah, and it was a one-time thing.” Catra tried to play it off.  
Adora groaned. “You’re a cat.”  
“Ah ah, cat-person! I don’t do everything like a cat!” Catra corrected.  
Adora was ready to list off everything Catra does that is like a cat but Catra quickly covered her mouth. “Okay! Maybe I like boxes, but why would I need a box when I have you.”  
Adora admired how Catra turned this in her favor. “Very smooth.”  
“So, you’re going to take the box back, right?” Catra asked, honestly curious.  
Adora smirked. “Hmm, nope, I think I’ll let it sit there for a while, just in case.”  
Catra groaned and threw herself onto their bed.

A storm was brewing. Literally. The sky had been dark all day and Catra could feel the storm approaching. She tried distracting herself in the training room, but that could only last so long. She staggered back to her room, hoping Adora would be back to comfort her. She groaned when she didn’t see Adora around and remembered she was out playing Council meeting with those princesses. She sat on their bed and pulled the blanket close to her. Usually Adora’s scent was enough to calm her down. Suddenly a loud clap of thunder erupted, followed by light flashing throughout the room. Catra yelped and hid her face in the blanket.  
Back at the Fright Zone, showing such weakness would be punishable.  
She growled and pulled the blanket away from her face. Had she gotten soft? ‘No, you’re safe.’ Catra huffed at Adora’s voice in her head.  
She threw herself out of bed, determined to find something else to distract her, when she saw the box from before. Her body went slack at the consideration.

“Catra? You here? I know you don’t really like storms.” Adora said as she entered their bedroom.  
She glanced around and was surprised that Catra wasn’t bundled up in their bed. That’s when she saw it again, a black tail swishing back and forth angrily. The box was on it’s side this time, so Adora kneeled down to meet her eyes.  
“I thought you didn’t need this box.” Adora whispered.  
Catra huffed, pulling herself tighter into a ball. “It’s not just the box. I have your blanket.”  
Adora blinked and leaned back to see that their blanket was in fact gone from their bed. “So you do.”  
They sat there quietly for a moment until quiet rumbling could be heard from outside. Catra growled quietly in the back of her throat. Adora crawled closer to her girlfriend and pulled the blanket so it covered both of them. Catra peeked open and saw Adora partially laying in the box with her.  
“What’re you doing?” She mumbled.  
Adora rubbed their noses together. “Trying to help you.”  
“Heh, what an odd way to show it.” Catra whispered, pulling the blonde closer.  
Adora wrapped her arms around the cat-girl, pulling her into her embrace.

Catra opened the bedroom door, already saying something to Adora, and saw about a dozen cardboard boxes surrounding the room.  
“Adora, what is this?!” Catra yelled.  
Adora appeared from one of the boxes. “Ah, Catra! Entrapta had a lot of delivery boxes and I had asked her to save them and bring them here.”  
“Why?!” Catra asked, confused. One box was enough.  
Adora pouted. “So we could use them?”  
Catra hung her head. “Adora, what’re we going to do with all of these boxes?”  
Adora suddenly perked up with a lightbulb moment. Catra groaned. “Oh no.”  
After spending their whole evening rearranging boxes, cutting boxes, stacking boxes, the couple finally had a structure.  
“You know, most people make blanket forts apparently.” Adora said.  
“Well I’m not most people, am I?” Catra huffed. “And this was your idea, anyway!”  
Adora chuckled. “Yeah, but what do you think? Do you like it?”  
Catra hummed, taking in their creation. It was almost like a little room inside their room. It had all of their blankets and pillows inside and was big enough to fit both of them comfortably, unlike last time.  
Catra smiled. “Not bad.”  
Adora grabbed her hand to get her attention successfully. Catra happily leaned in to kiss her.  
After a few innocent kisses, they finally laid down. Catra curled into Adora’s stomach, listening to her heartbeat. Adora sighed, happy and sleepy, and scratched the girl’s ear. Catra began to purr, which only Adora was allowed to hear.  
“Adora…” Catra mumbled into her stomach. Adora looked down at her. “Can we keep the boxes?”  
Adora smiled and nodded.

A knock on their door came early the next morning. Adora nearly destroyed their hut trying to rush to the door.  
“Adora!”  
“Morning, Glimmer. Is something wrong?” Adora asked tiredly.  
Glimmer blinked. “No. Did you forget my mother was having special breakfast meeting this morning? I wanted to make sure you got there in time.”  
Panic quickly rose in the blonde and she rushed to her closet to change clothes.  
Glimmer peaked in, expecting Catra to be close by, and gaped at the cardboard hut in the middle of their room. “What in the world…?”  
She heard a sleepy groan from inside and watched as Catra crawled out to see what the commotion was. Her sleep quickly disappeared when she saw Glimmer at the doorway. “Uhhh, this isn’t what it looks like!”  
“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to think it looks like!” Glimmer responded, exasperated.  
Adora reappeared from the closet, now dressed appropriately to meet with the queen. She glanced over just in time to see Catra dive back into their fort.  
She chuckled and motioned Glimmer to follow her. “Don’t worry about her. It’s a cat thing.”  
“I heard that!” Catra yelled at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art Credit: Ovejo (?)


	3. Whispers (Modern AU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a modern lifestyle, Adora comes home from a work trip to find that Catra has had to cope with Adora being gone at night in an interesting way. Also, fyi, there's a nightmare.

Their apartment was a quaint, small space, but it fit them just fine. They weren’t material people, not really. As long as they had each other, they would be fine.

“Hey, Catra.” Adora whispered into her ear. The cat-girl was curled up in bed.

“Hey, Adora.” Catra smirked sleepily and looked over her shoulder. “About time you joined me.”

Adora sighed, unpinning her hair. “I know, sorry. There was an accident on the way home, stopped traffic for like 2 hours.”

Catra’s smirk faded into a soft smile and she held her hand out. Adora smiled and let her rub her cheek. “You should go take a shower, help yourself wind down a bit.” Catra whispered.

Adora nodded and placed her hand on top of Catra’s. “You’re right. I’ll be back in a bit. Don’t fall asleep without me.”

Catra watched with longing as Adora disappeared into the bathroom. Then she chuckled and rolled over to look out of the window. The sky was dipping low. Orange was just barely hanging on to the bottom of blue. “Like I could do that if I wanted to.”

Catra hadn’t realized what she had missed in life until she met Adora. Her family was poor and often spent their time worrying about money and work instead of spending crucial time with their daughter. It was like all of the pieces missing from Catra’s life fell into place once Adora showed up. One of those pieces involved being comforted and reassured.

“Deep in thought again?”

Catra blinked away the thoughts, realizing pale arms now wrapped around her frame. She didn’t bother responding, just curled deeper into Adora’s embrace.

Adora smiled gently, rubbing her nose against her cat-like ears. “Want to talk about it?”

Catra numbly shook her head. “Nah. You already know you make me feel whole again.”

Adora giggled, still very close to her ear, sending goosebumps down Catra’s arms. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt to hear it again once in a while.”

Catra began to smile again. She gently turned around in their embrace and leaned closer to Adora. Ever so slowly, she placed her lips on Adora’s. The blonde carefully laid a hand on her cheek, lightly pulling her closer. She could feel Catra’s smile widen and couldn’t help but to smile too.

They pulled away, quietly gasping for air. Then Catra laid her head down on Adora’s chest, content to listen to her heartbeat. She purred as Adora massaged her head with a practiced hand.

They laid together quietly as the sun finally set and disappeared completely.

“You’re safe here, Catra.” Adora began. Catra couldn’t stop a small smirk from gracing her face as Adora continued to whisper in her ear. Catra laid her hands on Adora’s waist, and Adora rested one hand Catra’s shoulder while the other ran through her mane.

“You’re amazing and I love you. I had so much fun on our camping trip last weekend. You always have such great date ideas.” Adora whispered. Her thumb carefully rubbed the cat-girl’s shoulder. “You don’t need to worry about a thing. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it together like always.”

She heard and felt the quiet purr start in Catra’s chest. She lowered her voice to a hushed whisper. It would be hard for humans to quite understand, but that was no problem for Catra.

“Shh, I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Finally, a loud purr disrupted the quiet. Adora smiled tiredly and rested her chin on Catra’s head. She finally allowed herself to close her eyes once Catra was asleep. And they slept peacefully together.

Until the next night.

Things started like normal. Adora actually arrived home on time. They ate dinner together. They watched television, with Catra splayed across Adora’s lap. Adora rubbed her back until it was late enough to go to bed. They kissed goodnight and Adora pulled Catra into her regular embrace.

A few hours had passed. Adora was in a deep, peaceful sleep. Catra had since rolled onto her back, twisting back and forth as nightmares plagued her mind.

_Smoke and death covered the air. The sky was red. She looked at her hands and saw blood. She felt herself start to shake in panic. She closed her eyes and hands tightly, claws digging into her own palms. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t face what had happened._

_“You did this, Catra.”_

_Catra gasped and looked around at the sinister voice and she regretted it instantly. Now she was faced with her consequences. A body laid on the ground in front of her. She gulped, refusing to recognize the pale skin and blonde hair._

_She shakily kneeled down and placed a hand on her arm. It was ice cold. She couldn’t breathe as she rolled them over._

“Gah!” Catra jumped up, breathing like she just ran a marathon. She dropped her head into her hands, trying to stop her panic from rising.

“Mmm.” Adora hummed, resituating herself.

Catra stared for a moment, then let out a deep breath, glad Adora hadn’t woken up. She carefully slid out of bed and tiptoed to the balcony. She took a deep breath of fresh air, finally beginning to calm down. She stood there, arms leaning on the railing, and listened to the sounds of the nighttime city.

Adora had felt a quick motion in the bed. One part of her wanted to go back to sleep. Another part told her to get up and make sure Catra was okay. That part won out when she felt the bed get lighter. She reached over to where Catra should’ve been and felt nothing.

“Catra…” She moaned. She watched the cat-girl’s retreating form, seemingly ignoring her.

Catra jumped when she felt hands wrap around her waist. “Adora?! I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Adora yawned and rested her head on the girl’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?” She mumbled.

She gulped as she thought back to the dream and shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Stop doing that.” Adora groaned, starting to wake up some more. “I’m here for you. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but don’t push me away.”

Catra felt a growl in the back of her throat and bit her tongue. “I don’t mean to. I’m sorry. I just don’t want to talk about it.”

Adora nuzzled into her neck. “See? That’s a lot better, now come lay back down with me.”

Catra didn’t bother fighting back as her girlfriend dragged her back to bed. She was pulled into a similar embrace and hugged the blonde tightly. Catra felt tears prick the corners of her eyes and she let a out low sob in Adora’s neck.

Adora felt her heart break at the sound and she pulled her as close as possible. “Shh, shh, just listen to me. I’m right here. I’ve got you and I’m not going to let go. Shh, it’s alright. It’s okay, you can let it out.”

Catra cried into her chest, but she felt sleep creeping back in as Adora rubbed her back.

“Relax, you don’t have to worry about a thing. I’ll take care of it. I’ll keep away the bad stuff.” Adora whispered.

She continued whispering reassurances in her ear until she fell back asleep. She felt Catra’s body go slack and her sobs softened to quiet breaths. She sighed in relief and continued rubbing her back until she fell asleep as well.

Adora sighed in relief when their apartment complex came into view. She quickly pulled into the parking lot and grabbed her bags. She took a moment to relish in the fresh air, pulling her jacket closer to her.

Adora had been away for three days for a business meeting. She originally was going to fly home in the morning, but she hated being away from her beloved for so long and knew Catra felt the same way. So, she changed her flight to an earlier one and had arrived home at…

She pulled her hand up to look at her watch. 2 AM.

Her tense body began to relax, and she eagerly walked up the stairs. She knew Catra would be in bed. ‘She better be.’ She worried Catra would lose sleep, but the girl always appeared fine when Adora returned from previous trips.

Her keys clicked into the lock and she set her bags inside next to the door. It was quiet and dark. She was happy to see that Catra wasn’t asleep on the couch.

Adora hung up her jacket and slipped her shoes off. She didn’t care if it was the middle of the night, she was excited to surprise her girlfriend by coming home early.

She tiptoed to their bedroom door. She was surprised that Catra hadn’t already woken up to look for the source of someone entering their home. She was about to grab the handle to their room when she heard something and froze.

Whispering was coming from inside. Adora panicked for a moment. Two thoughts entered her mind. The first, Catra had someone else in their home while she was away. Adora almost teared up at the thought. The second, there was an intruder and Catra was in danger.

Then she took a careful listen, placing her ear on the door. Something was odd about this, but she couldn’t stand still long enough to figure it out. She opened the door as quietly as possible.

She blinked when she peeked in and only saw Catra, curled up in bed. It was dark, except for the light of her cell phone on the nightstand.

“Shh, everything is going to be okay… Listen. You need to relax, take a deep breath. In, and out… You’re safe here. I’m taking the bad energy, and releasing it away from you…”

Adora slid across the floor as to not make a sound and carefully picked up Catra’s phone. She rose a brow, trying to figure out what was going on. She read the screen. _Whispering for Sleep_. There was a woman _whispering_ soft comforts and motioning her hands as if she was petting someone’s cheek.

Adora noticed that Catra was asleep, but dry tears stained her face. She looked back to the phone. Had Catra turned this on to help her sleep?

The video was nearly done, being almost 30 minutes long.

It was 2AM.

Catra must not have played this until 30 minutes ago.

Adora inwardly groaned. Catra _was_ having problems sleeping when she’s gone.

Adora set the phone back down and let the video finish as she changed into her pajamas. The more she listened, the more she began to understand why Catra had it playing. It was pretty soothing to have someone whisper nice things like that.

She carefully slid under the covers, cautiously throwing her arm over Catra’s to grab her hand.

“Mmm, Adora?” Catra groaned, half-asleep. Then her skin lit up as she forced herself awake. “Adora!”

She threw herself around and came face-to-face with her beloved girlfriend. “D-Did you…?”

Catra didn’t get a chance to finish when she realized the video was still playing. “P-Please don’t be mad. I-I can explain…”

Adora sat up with a smile and grabbed both of her hands. “I’m not mad and you don’t have to explain. I get it.”

“You do?” Catra asked, tears blinding her.

Adora nodded and rubbed her cheeks as tears cascaded down. “You can’t sleep without me, can you?”

Catra shook her head, slapping her hands over Adora’s. “I’m sorry.”

Adora lowered herself to meet Catra’s hung head. “What’re you sorry for? If anything, I’m glad you’re looking for ways to help you sleep.”

Catra bit her lip to stop herself from crying. “The nightmares…get so much worse when you’re gone. But I didn’t want to worry you. It’s not like you can help it when you have important meetings across the country.”

“I wish you would’ve told me. We could’ve figured something out… But like I said, you found a solution.” Adora responded.

Catra took a deep breath to calm down. “Ever since you started whispering to me at bedtime, it’s hard to sleep without it. My own horrible thoughts have free reign otherwise… I started thinking about what you do to help me sleep and found audio clips that are just like that. And I was nervous to try it because it seemed so weird at first…but it helped.”

“Catra…” The girl looked up at Adora. “I love you.”

Catra pursed her lips together to stop herself from crying again. She hid her face in Adora’s neck, happy to hear the soothing words coming from her mouth once more.

Adora gently ushered the girl to lay down with her, and they fell asleep together after several more minutes.

Adora pouted at her phone. Ever since that night with Catra and the audio video, she thought about giving it a try herself. However, she didn’t really understand what it was about Catra that helped her sleep. It took several nights for the realization to hit her and she worried what Catra would think.

Catra entered the apartment with a sigh, then smiled. She was finally home after a long day, and Adora had the day off, so the rest of their evening should be nice, she hoped.

“Adora? You home?” Catra called from the front door.

She didn’t hear a response. She should’ve been able to hear the quietest response from her girlfriend. “Hm? Adora?”

She quietly stepped through the kitchen and froze once she entered the living room. Adora was asleep on the couch. Her arm was thrown over her eyes to block the sunlight. Her gym water bottle sat open on the coffee table. Her phone laid open next to it, and there was a sound coming from it.

It was a cat purring.

Catra shoved her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. She threw her head up, trying to rationalize that this was like her whispering videos. She shouldn’t judge her girlfriend. She took a deep breath and looked back down.

“Oh, Adora.”

She tiptoed closer before clicking the phone off. Catra slid under her arm and forced herself to purr into Adora’s neck.

Adora began to shift at the commotion and happily opened her arms to Catra. She smiled as she realized Catra was home and gave her a sleepy kiss.

“You’re not mad?” Adora whispered.

Catra smirked. “Hell no. It’s no different from the videos I listen to. Now go back to sleep.”

Adora chuckled and pulled her closer. “You’re the best.”

Catra nuzzled under her chin. “No, you are.”

Adora sighed, not wanting to continue this cute argument about who was the better girlfriend, and fell back to sleep with the love of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was influenced by my own discovery of ASMR of soothing whispers that help me sleep now.


	4. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra is having some (a lot) of trouble adjusting to Brightmoon and tries to replicate some things she learned in the Horde. This is also the main chapter that is obviously written before the finale, so some parts might not seem to match. Maybe change 'parent A' for 'parent B'. Also Trigger Warning for self-harm, anxiety, and coping skills. This is a personal story to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting a second TW for self-harm! If that's not your thing then please don't read.

“Adora, I don’t think this is a good idea.”  
Adora looked around and saw the worried looks on the other princesses’ faces.   
“I know she’s on our side now.” It was Mermista. “But think about the people. They won’t want to see her visiting their ruined home.”  
“How else is she going to prove that she’s not a threat anymore?” Adora countered. “I get it that people still harbor feelings against the Horde, but the war is over and people have to learn to get along with everyone.”   
“People could riot when they see her! She’s…” Mermista didn’t bother finishing the sentence.   
Adora almost glared at her. “She’s not to blame for any of this, and we’ve already been through this when she first arrived here. But if she’s going to makes things right just for following orders, we have to start somewhere.”  
The room of princesses went quiet with everyone thinking about how to proceed.  
“Let her come.”   
Everyone looked up. Glimmer sat stoic with her arms crossed. “Let her see what’s happened, and we’ll see if she’s really sorry for what she’s caused.”   
This almost started another argument between Glimmer and Adora.   
Even though they were talking about her like she wasn’t in the room, Catra stood in the back, leaning on the wall with her arms crossed while listening to the absurd arguments bouncing back and forth.   
She sighed roughly, pushing off of the wall and waltzing up to Adora’s side. “I’ll go, and I’ll help, and I’ll be fine. So stop this stupid argument about me of all things. I’m sure there are better things to be discussing right now.”  
Glimmer glared at her, then snapped her finger as if to declare the conversation was over. “Fine. We do need to discuss…”  
Catra didn’t bother hanging out for the rest of the stupid princess meeting. Instead, she headed towards their room and began preparing for the trip.

Catra was good at acting cool on the outside, but on the inside she was starting to get nervous as they approached the village. She lingered behind the others and looked all around. Houses were damaged. There was little food to go around. People slowly emerged from their homes and looked like they hadn’t had a shower or clean clothes in weeks.  
She felt guilt creep into her chest and her jaw tensed. In an instant, she felt something warm on her hand. She glanced down and saw a pale hand holding hers. She lifted her eyes back and saw a warm smile on Adora’s face, trying to reassure her that everything was alright. Catra pursed her lips together and gave a small squeeze in return.   
Then, just as quickly, they both let go.  
Their friends knew of their relationship. How could anyone not acknowledge it after all of the heartbreak they went through? But that didn’t mean they approved of it. And right now the couple didn’t want to push the limits with how tense things were in that moment being in the village.   
“The princesses are here!” Someone finally announced and more people appeared to greet them.   
Workers began hauling supplies from the cart and setting up a space for the group to handle matters for the town. Villagers shook the girls’ hands and children ran around in joy. But then it finally came…  
“What’s she doing here?” The village leader asked.   
Everyone looked back at Catra, who was trying to play it cool by keeping her hands in her pockets.  
“She’s working with us now.” Glimmer spoke up. She didn’t want to defend her, but she also didn’t want a fight to break out.   
The man stepped closer to Glimmer. “She’s the one who did this in the first place.”   
“I can’t explain it right now, but she wasn’t in charge of this. She was a pawn just as much as any other soldier.” Glimmer almost found some joy in that last sentence.   
The man, who was the village leader, eyed Catra up and down in thought of how to proceed. He opened his mouth to respond, but then other villagers had already made their choice.  
A rock went soaring through the air and hit Catra in the arm. She let out a small yelp of pain. A small cut appeared on her skin and she could already feel a bruise coming on.   
She didn’t have time to react, or maybe she didn’t care to react, as villagers grabbed more things to throw at her.   
Glimmer and the village leader, both equally shocked, ordered people to stop. However, it was the flash of light and the shout of a phrase that stunned everyone enough to make them stop.  
Catra hadn’t even noticed Adora transformed into She-Ra and stepped in front of her with her shield.  
When the rocks stopped, She-Ra stood tall, blocking Catra from people’s view. “That’s enough. You don’t need to know about her, just accept that she’s helping now.”  
People dropped whatever weapons they had picked up and stood stunned. “It’s She-Ra.” The adults began whispering amongst themselves. Children stood in bewilderment. Slowly, the crowd dispersed, and villagers returned to whatever they were doing before.  
Glimmer and the leader sighed in relief. The man was going to thank She-Ra for helping with the outburst, but she had turned towards the girl.  
“Catra, open your eyes… Look at me. It’s done.” She-Ra whispered, carefully holding her cheeks.  
Catra took a quick, small breath and opened her eyes. She hadn’t even realized she closed her eyes. She took several more quick breaths when she felt tears reach the corners of her eyes. She shut her eyes again and dropped her head, not wanting to look so vulnerable in front of others.   
“It’s okay, Catra.” She-Ra dropped to her knees and pulled Catra tight into her arms. “I’ve got you. Breathe.”  
The others watched solemnly. Even if they didn’t like Catra or disagreed with how things ensued previously, they really hadn’t wished for this to happen.   
When Catra opened her eyes again, Adora was back to normal. Adora grabbed her hand and began pulling them away from the scene. “C’mon, let’s go find where they have us set up to stay and I can patch you up.”

The Sun shone brightly, warming her skin. She watched from her perch on the balcony as the princesses returned to the castle, laughing and cheering with evident happiness. She gritted her teeth together and closed her hand into a fist, then reopened it to look at her claws. She didn’t understand why she was feeling so angry. Things were better now. They were safe. That was just the problem, though.  
Catra thought back to that day that happened a few weeks ago. She hadn’t expected for that to happen, but she knew she wouldn’t be wanted there. But Adora was right, how else would she prove that she wasn’t the enemy anymore? She had to try to help.  
She remembered Adora pulling her into a hut and sitting them down. She had several cuts across her body, some of which were bleeding quite extensively. Adora had found a medical kit and began cleaning her wounds before bandaging her up. She remembered seeing the upset look in her eyes as she addressed the cut on her cheek.   
She remembered the small and short-lived delight she got from seeing her own blood.   
Catra shook away the memory and held out her index finger, and carefully drew it closer to her other palm. She didn’t quite understand what she was doing but she needed a release. She set her finger under her thumb and methodically pulled her claw down her palm. She watched in dulled happiness as a red line appeared and blood slowly dripped down her hand. Her anger dissipated, but there wasn’t exactly joy there to replace it; more of a content numbness.  
She glanced back up and was instantly drawn to the pearly blue eyes of her lover. A spark jolted through her. She quickly closed her hand, hoping the girl hadn’t seen her injury even from a distance, and pounced into their room.  
Adora was happily chatting with her friends as they returned from another mission. She had enjoyed the time with her friends, but she was eager to return to her girlfriend who had chosen to stay behind. It had confused her initially. Catra had continued for several more trips after the first one without any problems, but when she thought back to the first day, she couldn’t blame her.   
She jostled herself out of her thoughts and looked towards her room. She was shocked, to say the least, when she saw Catra perched on the bar of the balcony. She squinted her eyes, trying to see what she was doing. She could only just make out Catra staring at her own hand.   
Then, Catra looked up, and the two met eyes. Catra seemed to panic, diving inside. Adora sighed and turned her eyes toward the ground.   
“Is she alright?”   
Adora looked up and saw Glimmer at her side.  
She nodded. “Y-Yeah, she’s alright. It’s just been a tough time adjusting to Bright Moon. Things are so different from before.”  
Glimmer continued to walk with her. She still didn’t particularly care for Catra. She didn’t trust her 100%. But it was clear to everyone once they were reunited on the same side of the war, Catra and Adora were good for each other. As much as she didn’t like her, Glimmer also didn’t want anything bad to happen to her.  
“If either of you need anything, remember you can reach out to me or mom.” Glimmer replied.  
Adora nodded again, and they walked inside.  
Catra stood in front of the mirror glaring at herself. Why did she do that to herself? What would Adora think if she knew? Her knuckles grew paler as she gripped the counter tightly. Her anger was back tenfold. She was angry at life. She was angry at the Horde, with the Rebellion, with the princesses, with Adora being ‘the chosen one.’ But most of all, she was angry at herself.  
She released one hand and flexed it, eyeing her claws once again. If one little scratch gave her a few minutes of relief, then what would an actual cut do? Her mind kind of went blank as her hand lowered to her stomach.   
“Catra? Are you still here?” Adora called as she entered their bedroom.  
Catra was jolted away from her thoughts and hid her claws. Of course, she should’ve known Adora would be returning to their room soon.   
“Ah, Adora!”   
The warrior heard something slam in the bathroom and then Catra appeared in the doorway, leaning on the frame.   
“Hey, Adora.” She spoke smoothly.  
Adora eyed her top to bottom. “Are you okay?”  
Catra huffed and pushed away from the door. “C’mon, Adora, you know I hate that question.”  
“I-I know! It’s just… I saw you on the balcony.”  
Catra froze mid-step. “You… You did?”  
“You looked like you were deep in thought. Do you want to talk about anything?” Adora asked, worry evident in her voice.   
Catra gave a small victory smirk. Adora hadn’t seen her hand. She was mindful to keep her palm hidden from view. “Nah! Everything’s fine!”  
“Catra,” Adora chided.  
“What? I’m fine! Being away from your princess friends was relaxing for a few days. How’d it go?”  
Adora sighed. “It went well, just like most other jobs to help villages recover.” She looked to Catra. The girl hadn’t moved a step since emerging from the bathroom. “What did you do while we were gone?”  
Catra chuckled like usual and examined her nails on her uninjured hand. “Relax, like I said. Sparkles gets on my nerves with her constantly eyeing me every time we’re in the same room.”  
Adora huffed. “Glimmer is just protective of people.”  
Catra threw her hand in the air. “Then she should be happy I’m here because now that we’re not fighting each other anymore, I’m your number one protector!”  
Adora grabbed her hand out of the air and kissed her knuckles. “I know and you mean so much more to me than that. I’m glad you’re here now.”  
Catra sighed and lowered her head. “Thanks. I needed to hear that.”  
Adora smiled and kissed her nose, making the girl squirm. “Have you had dinner yet?”  
“No.”  
“Then let’s go find some food. I’m sure they’re preparing a big dinner since we returned today.”  
Catra groaned and now threw her head back. “Fine, but if Sparkles keeping glaring at me…”  
Adora began pulling her down the hall. “I’ll talk to her about it later, but for now ignore her and let us enjoy the rest of the night.”

Catra sat on the edge of the tub in her undergarments. Her day clothes were strewn across the bathroom floor and her pajamas laid untouched on the sink counter. The words from dinner played over in her mind. Glimmer had been eyeing her throughout the meal and it finally got on her last nerve.   
“You can stop glaring at me like I’m poison.”  
“Maybe it’s because you are poison.”  
And things exploded from there. Catra had jumped up out of her seat, but Adora moved just as quickly and put her arm out in front of her to stop her. Catra and Glimmer yelled at each other from across the dining table, with Adora and Bow trying to bring some sense back to them. The rest of the princesses watched nervously until the Queen silenced the whole room with one word.  
“Enough!”  
Even Catra had responded to the powerful voice and flinched back.   
Catra replayed the events in her mind. What had surprised her the most was that neither of them had a punishment. It really shouldn’t have surprised her too much considering Queen Angella forgave her war crimes in exchange for vital information about the Horde. She had zero consequences for helping the bad guys. Hell, she was a bad guy. She was still trying to understand the Queen because she deserved whatever punishment they thought fit. She didn’t think she deserved forgiveness, but her and Adora had already talked through this mentality and put most of her thoughts at ease. However, tonight only made those questions resurface because surely there was a consequence for yelling at the Queen’s daughter.   
Her claw slithered down her thigh. If one scratch could do that… She took the same claw and pushed harder. Her jaw tensed as pain spread around her thigh, but euphoria filled the rest of her body. She held in a small groan, afraid of alerting her girlfriend. She opened her eyes and watched the blood escape.  
This was it. This was what she deserved. If the Queen wasn’t going to punish her, then she would punish herself.   
Catra released the rest of her claws, eyeing them for a minute before lowering her whole hand back to her thigh. She took a breath, then pressed her claws into her leg, dragging them away from her.  
She took a couple quick breaths through her nose before opening her eyes again. Several lines of blood were now flowing. She was filled with pain and ecstasy, an odd combination for a punishment, but she didn’t care now. She liked the feeling.  
She felt so much better now, so much relief.   
With a deep breath, she retracted her claws. She grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned her leg, flushing the evidence. She carefully slipped into her pajamas and pulled open the door.   
She peered out and sighed in relief when she saw the Adora was already asleep. She let out a tiny smirk at the sight of her. The girl still slept with her legs tucked in. That was also something they talked about after their reunion but with a little more lightheartedness.   
Catra quietly tiptoed towards the bed and laid at Adora’s feet. She took a few calming breaths. The sound of Adora breathing helped her settle down, and slowly she fell asleep. 

Adora felt something warm around her midsection and groaned as sleep faded from her eyes. She yawned and reached for the arm around her waist. A purr erupted behind her as she linked their hands and she smiled.   
Even if Catra slept at the bottom of the bed, they usually woke up like this, wrapped around each other.   
“Good morning, Catra.” Adora whispered.  
“Ngh, morning.” Catra groaned.  
Catra pulled herself closer and tightened her grip on her girlfriend. Her nose rubbed at Adora’s shoulder, a loving gesture they had learned. “I’m glad you’re back.”   
“Really? Because you seemed a little off yesterday.” Adora replied.   
Catra blew a puff of air and pulled Adora over so that she could rest her head on her chest. “Well after Sparkles’ outburst, how could I possibly be in a good mood?”  
Adora sighed and grabbed her hand again. “I know she started it, but you two should really talk it out.”  
Catra didn’t respond. In fact, she practically froze.  
“Hm, Catra? You can’t avoid it forever.” Adora stopped when she looked up and saw the shocked expression on her face. She reached her other hand up to touch her cheek. “Hey, hey! What’s wrong?”   
Catra seemed to regain control again and pulled away from her embrace. “Nothing!”   
It was then that Adora felt the small cut on Catra’s hand. She snatched the hand back. “Hold on there. Where did you get that?”  
Catra felt panic rise in her chest, but she knew she had to answer quickly to quiet the girl’s worry. “It was an accident while training. No big deal.”  
Adora lifted her head back up and the two stared into each other’s eyes. She sighed roughly, dropping her hand. “Okay, I trust you.”  
Catra had to stop herself from reacting, like crying out or gritting her teeth. She didn’t deserve Adora’s trust.   
She shook her head and threw her legs over the side of the bed. “C’mon, we should get ready for the day soon if we want to catch breakfast.” 

“Catra?”  
She turned around at the sound of her name and slouched mid-walk as Sparkles walked up to her. “What do you want?”  
“Sigh, I want to apologize.” Glimmer started. Catra blinked in surprise. “I shouldn’t have said what I did the other night and I’m…sorry.”  
The two stood quietly with a comfortable distance between them. Then Catra shrugged. “It’s okay.”  
Glimmer huffed. “No, it’s not okay. I hurt your feelings.”  
“Psh, since when do you care about my feelings?” Catra responded sarcastically.  
“Because when you hurt, Adora hurts.” Glimmer replied honestly. Catra froze. “You’re with my best friend, and I need to get used to that because it doesn’t help anyone when we all act like we did that night. So, I hope from here on out we can be a little more civil with each other.”  
Catra was genuinely surprised. She expected Glimmer to be the last one to accept her. She smiled that toothy grin. “Yeah? You can start by stop glaring at me all of the time.”  
Glimmer chuckled nervously and nodded. “I can do that. You can also stop calling me Sparkles.”  
Catra waved a hand in the air casually. “Aw, I liked that nickname. Hm? Adora?”  
She saw Adora walk up from behind Glimmer. Adora smiled and patted the princess’s shoulder. “Are you two finally getting along? It’s a miracle!”  
“Yeah, yeah, don’t get all sappy on me. We put our differences aside, that’s all.” Catra responded, crossing her arms.   
Adora smiled and wrapped an arm around Catra’s shoulder. “Well whatever it is, I’m happy it’s happening.”   
Catra couldn’t help but to think that Glimmer had a hidden agenda with the apology when she was hiding in the bathroom late that night. 

Adora started to notice Catra was getting more emotional lately. Some moments Catra was indifferent, the next she was lashing out. Things like this continued for a while. Catra would be doing good for a day or two, then something would set her off, reminding her of her failures, and she’d disappear for a few hours.  
The guilt was destroying her. 

Catra listened anxiously as the Council spoke. This was the first time they had allowed her to be involved in an actual Council meeting and she didn’t realize how nerve-wracking it would be. The Queen led the Council, but it was the princesses that did most of the talking.   
There were many places that needed assistance and there were a few Horde outposts in operation still, and everyone had their own idea on how to fix things. No wonder Adora was so exhausted some days. 20 minutes of this and Catra was done. She quietly sighed and rubbed her temple.  
Adora glanced over when she heard a quiet exhale beside her and smiled sadly. Meetings always took its toll, but Catra wanted, needed, to see this.   
Catra felt a hand pull hers away from her face. She looked up and saw the grace that could be of Adora resting her chin in her other hand and smiling gently at her. A slight blush crossed her cheeks, making Adora squeeze her hand in comfort. Catra huffed and looked down at the table. The bickering of the girls was loud throughout the room, but the thoughts in Catra’s head drowned them out.   
After another 40 minutes, the group decided to call the meeting for the day. Catra’s seat scuffed against the floor and she set a pace slightly quicker than the other girls.   
A hand grabbed hers (again) abruptly and she heard a strong voice telling her to stop. The hair on the back of her neck and down her arms flared up. She gritted her teeth and whipped around.   
“Woah, calm down. What’s the rush?” Adora said.   
Catra gulped, jaw still tense. “I just want to get back to the room.”  
“Why? We have all day to do things now.” Adora replied, watching Catra’s brow furrow in thought.  
The answer smacked Catra in the face and her whole body went tense. She had to focus to keep her breathing under control so that Adora wouldn’t be alarmed. She took deep breaths through her nose, clenching her jaw harder than ever.   
She had to find an excuse.  
“T-That was just a lot in there. I know I helped cause some of those things.”  
‘Good job, Catra. That’s really going to get Adora to leave you alone.’  
Adora grabbed her other hand. “And we’ve already discussed that you aren’t to blame for that. You didn’t have a choice. You’re here now, and that’s what matters.”  
Catra growled and yanked her hands away. “You don’t get it! Just because you say that it’s okay now doesn’t change that I did things in the past to hurt people! To hurt you!”   
“Catra, wait!”   
Catra turned with a huff and marched towards their room. She heard Adora take a few steps after her, but she stopped after a couple feet.  
Catra stomped into the bathroom and locked the door, not knowing if Adora had decided to follow her or not. She squeezed the edge of the counter with her hands, trying to regain her breath. She glanced up to the mirror and saw a frantic look on her own face. She turned back to her hands and abruptly ripped them away from the counter, eyeing her claws.   
She took a few steadying breaths, remembering how she had coped with the past few incidents. She threw her clothes off and sat on the edge of the tub again. There was a nagging feeling in the back of her head and she wasn’t sure if it was trying to stop her or trying to compel her to do it. She noticed her wounds were still healing, so she brought her hand down to her other leg.   
Her body tensed for a few seconds and her face grimaced in pain, and then… euphoria filled her mind and body, and she relaxed. The tension in her shoulders eased up and she slowly opened her eyes, feeling a calmness come over her. 

Adora stepped into the training room and blinked in surprise to see Catra already practicing on a dummy. The girl jabbed a staff angrily at the stuffed figure. Adora stopped at the door and crossed her arms.   
“I thought we learned that angry fighting was dangerous fighting a long time ago.”  
Catra abruptly turned about and huffed. Adora noticed her scowl which quickly merged to a frown. “Oh, hey Adora.”  
Adora lowered her arms and stepped deeper into the room. “Is everything alright?”  
Catra quietly gritted her teeth and lowered her head. “Yeah, everything’s good. Did you come here to work out too?”   
“No, actually. The others said you were headed this way after lunch and I wanted to chat.”  
Catra’s jaw tensed even more than it already was. “About what? Everything is getting fixed thanks to you princesses.”   
“I don’t think everything is fixed.”  
Catra froze midturn and glanced over her shoulder. “What is that supposed to mean?”  
Adora sighed and mentally prepared herself. “I know we’re all working hard to fix Etheria and we’ve made much progress, but we’ve all kind of been ignoring the… oh, how did Glimmer say it? The elephant in the room?”  
Catra scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Just what are you talking about?”  
Adora sighed louder. “What I’m trying to say is that there’s still a problem, here at home, with us.”  
“With us? What? We’re fine, Adora. Sparkles is filling your head with nonsense.”  
Adora wanted to just shake Catra. “I don’t mean us! I mean… You’ve been acting weird lately.”  
The air became tense.   
“Why don’t you just come out and say it?” Catra’s hands pulled into fists.  
“I would if I knew what exactly was going on! Catra, none of this makes sense!”   
“I bring trouble wherever I go, so it’s no surprise that your girly friends aren’t liking me still. The best thing you could’ve done was lock me up like they suggested. Then we wouldn’t be here right now.”  
Adora gasped. “Catra, are you… Is it something about me?”  
Catra’s grip on the staff tightened. “Were you listening just now? It’s me! I cause trouble, even between us! I’d be better off alone.”  
Adora felt weak. Her face must have reflected that because Catra growled in disgust and returned to training. Thoughts started to consume Adora and she glanced to the weapons rack next to her.   
Catra had landed a few hits on the dummy when she felt the air shift. She reacted in time to see Adora swing a staff at her with a determined expression. She rose her own staff quickly to block Adora’s attack. The two pushed against each other.  
“Now I know something is definitely wrong. You’re not usually one to wallow in self-pity.” Adora grumbled.   
Catra gulped and felt her muscles burn. “It’s not self-pity. It’s the truth. Can you honestly say that I haven’t caused constant problems?”  
Adora used all of her strength to shove Catra away. “Your past problems don’t define who you are. In fact, in spite of everything, people are learning to like you, whether you believe it or not.”  
Catra smirked. “Yeah? Just like Hordak did? Because once I’m not useful I’ll be tossed away just like before!”  
“Things aren’t like how they were in the Horde! You can’t be that ignorant.” Adora kicked away from the ground as Catra went on the offensive.  
Catra swung and missed. “I wasn’t the ignorant one. That was always you. So don’t go preaching about how things are so much better!”  
Adora stabbed outward to force Catra away from her. “Where is all of this coming from? I thought we talked through our past when the war stopped.”  
Catra didn’t respond with words. Instead she put all of her energy into her attacks. Adora huffed and had to focus on reacting.  
“Talk to me, Catra! These thoughts didn’t come from nowhere!”   
She grunted as a hit landed on her shoulder. She thrusted the staff out and jabbed Catra in the stomach.   
Catra stumbled back, gasping for air as the blunt force knocked the wind from her lungs. She saw a shadow approaching and raised her staff in time to block Adora’s next attack.   
They both continued fighting like this for several minutes, landing hits, dodging, and blocking.   
It did start to cross Catra’s mind that maybe she was overreacting. Things were getting better, like Adora constantly reassured her. That doesn’t change her past, though. She thought back to the night with the argument with Glimmer and how the Queen didn’t punish her for that. She wasn’t punished for anything. That wasn’t right. She did horrible things that created problems throughout the planet. Hell, even when she tried her best in the Horde, she was still punished for the slightest failure.  
Why wasn’t it like that here?  
She needed to create her own punishment then.  
Amidst her irrational thoughts, Adora found the upper hand and landed several swift attacks.  
Catra cried out when she felt a strike against her thigh and staggered away before landing on her butt.   
“Catra…? Catra! Are you okay?” Adora asked and dropped to her knees next to her.   
Catra was trying to control her breathing and was pushing a hand quite forcefully onto her leg. “I’m fine,” she huffed.   
“You’re bleeding!” Adora realized. “Did I do that? I’m so sorry!”  
Catra smirked. “You are clueless as always.”  
“Catra, w-what are you talking about? Were you injured in a battle? How could you be bleeding right now?”   
Catra grunted as she tried to stand up. Adora quickly jumped up with her and placed a hand on her shoulder to help her.   
“Let me help you, Catra. There should be a first-aid kit around here somewhere.”  
“I can handle myself, Adora.”  
“Yeah, obviously.” Adora replied sarcastically.   
“Tch, I’m sorry for what I said, but I can patch myself up. I’m fine.” Catra urged.   
“You keep saying that you’re fine but you’re clearly not fine, Catra. Stop pushing me away.”  
“Thanks for the concern, but I don’t need your help.” Catra practically growled.   
“Why don’t you want me to help with this?”  
“It’s none of your business.”  
The duo stopped at the door and stared at each other. Something clicked in Adora’s head, that whatever was going on with Catra had something to do with the injury on her leg.   
Adora whipped her head away and crossed her arms. “Fine, then take the first-aid kit and fix yourself.”  
Ears pulled back, Catra watched in shock as Adora handed her the kit and walked away. “Adora…”   
She gritted her teeth together as more irrational thoughts swam into her mind again. She couldn’t even keep Adora happy. She was right, she was a problem. She needed a punishment.  
Her grip on the kit tightened and she dashed towards the closest bathroom.

When Adora finished her duties for the day, she returned to her room. She was surprised to see Catra curled up on the end of the bed. She had thought after their skirmish that she’d run off for the night.   
Adora sighed and clicked the door shut. She quietly sat down next to the girl and pursed her lips together when she realized Catra was pretending to be asleep.  
“I’m sorry, Catra.”  
One teal eye peaked open. “For what? You didn’t do anything.”   
“You’re right, I didn’t do anything. I walked away from you when you needed help, even if you insisted you could take care of it.”  
Catra groaned and pushed her arms out from under her head to stretch out. “That’s not what I meant.”  
Adora glanced towards her leg. “Did you get it taken care of?”  
Catra smirked. “Of course, I did. I told you it was fine.”   
“Then if it was so fine, why didn’t you want my help?” Adora asked pleadingly.  
Catra sighed. “You have so many other things to worry about. You shouldn’t have to worry about me.”  
Adora carefully laid her hand on Catra’s cheek. “You’re my girlfriend now. I’m supposed to worry about you. It’s what girlfriends do, right? I know you’d worry about me if something happened.”   
Catra pouted, resting her head on her outstretched hand. “I already worry about you all of the time.”  
“Hm? Why’s that? Things are fine now.”  
“Looks who’s saying everything is fine now.” Catra chuckled. “Well, you never know when something bad is going to happen and people will need you to fight for them. You’re a hero now.”   
They both glanced at each other.   
“I worry something bad could happen to you.” Catra admitted.   
Adora smiled and began rubbing her cheek. “Nothing bad will happen to me as long as I have you watching my back. We’ll be fine, both of us.”   
Tears pricked the corner of Catra’s eyes. She quickly shook them away and sat up. “For someone so dimwitted, you always know just what to say to make me feel better.”   
“Maybe because smarts have nothing to do with empathy.” Adora responded. “There’s that smile I love so much.”  
Catra realized she was smiling and leaned closer to Adora, who pulled her into a hug. “Thank you.”  
“No problem, now let’s get some rest.” Adora smiled gently and coerced Catra to lay down in bed with her.   
As the two of them finally relaxed from their stressful day, they wrapped each other up in their arms. Catra tucked herself under Adora’s chin and Adora gently combed her fingers through Catra’s mane.   
However, one thing still bothered Adora. She glanced down to look towards Catra’s leg. Whatever happened today was not normal, even for them. She needed to figure out what was going on with Catra, but she couldn’t push her too hard, otherwise Catra would fight back just like she did earlier. 

The next day, Catra felt worse than before. When she disappeared to a bathroom yesterday, she had felt so much guilt that she cut herself again before cleaning all of it.   
And the same guilt was surfacing now. Adora smiled at her as she held her hand. The princesses were trying to act nice with her at breakfast. It was all too much for her.  
“Excuse me. I-I have to, uh, use the restroom!” Catra announced and dashed from the dining table.   
“Is she okay?”   
Adora looked back to Glimmer and sighed. “I wish I could answer that.”  
Catra ran as fast as her feet could take her. Her head thumped in pain. She had to find somewhere private quickly. She couldn’t use the restroom by the dining hall; they’d come looking for her. She finally found a restroom further in the castle and slammed the door shut once she was inside. She grabbed at her shirt as her heart pounded in sync with her head.

Several days later, Catra looked up at the sound of her name. She looked around and saw all of the princesses waiting for her to answer. She let go of her fork.  
“I’m sorry, what?”  
Glimmer sighed. “We’re all going swimming later, a little break for everyone. Do you want to come?”  
Catra was still in control for now. “Eh, no thanks. I hate water.”  
Adora blinked. “But Catra, you don’t have to get in the water. You can sunbathe like last time.”   
Catra gave her a deadpan look. “Maybe I just don’t want to do that today.”  
“Do you have better plans?” Adora crossed her arms.   
“No, but I don’t want to do that.” Catra huffed.   
Adora raised her hand to motion for everyone to continue eating breakfast. She then leaned in closer to Catra. “What’s wrong? You hardly ever pass up on a chance to sleep in the sun.”  
“I just don’t want to do that today.” Catra whispered back in a low growl.  
Adora sighed and rested a hand on top of Catra’s hand. “Why are you still punishing yourself? You can go and have fun and relax and be with people.”  
“Let it go, Adora. I don’t want to go.” Catra replied. She felt herself about to lose control.   
The two stared at each other, then Adora looked back to her meal. “Fine.”  
Catra glared at her, knowing this wasn’t over, but turned back to her meal as well.  
Everyone had left to go swimming except Catra. She remained in her room, sitting on their bed as she eyed her claws once again. She thought this would be a good time to have a peaceful session. Or as peaceful as something dreary like this could be. She faced the balcony, doors open so she could watch the clouds. She sat in her undergarments, mentally building up to the moment when she would scar her skin by her own hand.   
Catra sighed, finally feeling ready.   
She had managed to create several red, drippy lines when suddenly she heard footsteps approaching. She froze. The footsteps stopped and for a second Catra thought maybe the person had gone away. She should’ve used that time to hide because abruptly the doorknob was moving.   
It all happened so fast yet so slow. Catra grabbed a shirt to cover her leg as Adora opened the door. Adora yelled out for her to stop as Catra dashed towards the bathroom.   
Catra gasped as she felt hands on her shoulders and her back slammed against the floor. Adora was on top of her, holding her down. Catra’s hand never moved away from her injured leg.   
Adora gulped, hearing how shaky her own voice was now. “Move your hand.”  
Catra turned on the snarkiness. “Get off of me, you weirdo.”  
Tears started to appear in the corner of Adora’s eyes. “Why is your leg bleeding?”  
Catra smirked. “I was hurt in training, remember?”  
Adora shoved her fists into her shoulders. “Stop with the bullshit! That was a while ago and you didn’t get it in training. A wound reopened that you never even explained how you got it in the first place!” She took a breath to steady her voice. “So excuse me if I’m suspicious, but I need you to tell me what’s going on.”  
Catra’s smirk was gone, replaced with a scowl. She spoke low. “None of this would have happened if the Queen gave punishments like she’s supposed to.”  
“Is that what this is about?!” Adora gasped for air through her tears.   
“Stop crying, Adora.” Catra groaned.  
“No! Because you’re hurt and I still don’t understand why! Is someone hurting you?” Adora cried.   
“Heh, yeah someone’s hurting me alright.” Catra spoke quietly.  
“Who?! I’ll find them and make them pay for hurting you like this.”  
Catra rolled her eyes and lolled her head back to lay flat on the floor. “You’re clueless.”  
“Catra, you’ve got to explain this to me because, yeah, I don’t know what’s going on. Tell me so I can fix this.”  
Catra growled and leaned back up. “You can’t fix everything, Adora. Some things are just broken.”  
Adora gritted her teeth. “You are not broken. None of this is your fault, so you don’t have to feel so guilty anymore. Now tell me who did this.”  
Catra pushed herself completely upright on one hand. “And what if it was me?!”  
Adora seemed startled and leaned back. “What? What do you mean?”  
Catra lowered her head and her voice. “What if I did this to myself? What will you do then?”  
The duo sat silently for a moment. Catra still had her one hand covering her leg.   
“Did you?” Adora asked quietly.  
Catra gulped, trying to urge herself to pull her hand away from her bleeding leg.   
Adora finally took a moment to look down at her legs and noticed a few scars on her other thigh. She wanted to yell, to cry out, to ask the world why it seemed to throw its worst at the two of them. But she needed to stay steady in this moment for Catra’s sake.  
Catra worked up the mental courage and slowly released her hand. She held the used shirt, now bled through to her hand.  
Adora gasped and unconsciously covered her mouth. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. The lashes in Catra’s leg looked horrendous.   
“How…?”   
Catra flexed her hand. “Don’t you see? They’re claw marks.”  
Adora fell back on her butt and sat stunned.   
Catra saw her face and suddenly a wave of remorse hit her. Tears emerged in her eyes and she reached out for Adora. “I’m sorry. Oof!”   
Adora jumped forward and pulled Catra into a tight embrace. “Don’t apologize.” She cried.   
Catra felt hot tears land on her shoulder and she hugged back just as tightly.   
Adora pulled back just enough to grip Catra’s cheeks. “It’s okay, Catra. We’re going to get help.”  
She felt Catra tense in her palms. “What kind of help?”  
She rubbed her thumbs under her eyes to wipe away the tears. “Well for one, you’re still bleeding.”  
Catra looked down as best she could with her head still in Adora’s hands. “I can’t fix it by myself. I have before.”  
Adora shook her head with a sad smile. “I know you have, but you don’t have to do that anymore. There are friends here who can help us.”  
“Pfft, your princess friends? They can’t help this.” Catra replied.   
“But they can. When the war was finally over, they didn’t keep asking for my help, they asked how they could help me, how they could help me adjust to a new life. Queen Angella even suggested that I go to counseling, and they had to explain it to me, but I told them that I was fine and there was nothing to worry about.”  
Catra silently listened with curiosity.   
“And when you arrived here, I pled with her to go easy on you, that you and I didn’t have a choice in the Horde. I was as shocked as you when she decided that you would not receive any punishment. And, maybe I should’ve told you, but she extended those same offers to you, that they could provide counseling to help you adjust to your new life… And I stupidly reacted the same way; that you were fine, that you were strong because you’d been through worse things than moving, that I would be there to help… And I couldn’t do that.”  
“Adora… You couldn’t have known. I was trying to keep it hidden, because even though it made me feel better, I knew it was wrong.”  
Adora let out a small, sad chuckle. “That doesn’t even make sense to me.”  
Catra’s shoulders slouched and she sighed deeply. “I don’t really understand it either if I’m honest.”  
Catra gently grabbed Adora’s hands off of her face and they sat quietly together, hand-in-hand.   
“We can do it together.”  
Catra rose a brow. “Do what?”  
“Counseling. I think it’s clear now that we both need it.” Adora answered.   
“I don’t know.” Catra huffed, somewhat irritated with the idea.  
“Do you see your leg right now?” Adora questioned, leaning down to meet Catra’s eyes. “You did that to yourself, for reasons neither of us seem to understand. I think you should give it a chance. I’ll even go with you if you’re scared.”  
Catra puffed up. “I’m not scared!”  
Adora smiled and tugged at her hand. “If you say so. Think about it for now, but our first step is getting you to the infirmary.”  
“Adoraaaa, I’m fine!”  
Catra stumbled once pulled up to her feet and gave a nervous smile. Adora rose a brow and smirked unconvincingly.  
“Yeah, you’re totally fine. I’m sure it doesn’t hurt to walk at all.” She responded sarcastically but strengthened her grip on her hand. “Either way, I told you that you don’t have to do this by yourself anymore.” 

At first Catra hated being stuck in the clinic for 2 days, a time required by the doctor to monitor her. However, she started to see a new side to things, particularly people around her. Several of the princesses came by to spend time with her.  
Perfuma was the first to stop in. She brought a potted flower as a gift and spoke only positive affirmations in her peaceful ways.  
Frosta was next. She told jokes the whole time, almost to the point of driving Catra crazy.  
Luckily Mermista arrived in time to save her from Frosta’s jokes and instead began gossiping with her, telling her a little secret about everyone.  
Finally, near the end of the 2-day mark, Glimmer showed up. She didn’t say anything at first. She repositioned the visitor’s seat to face the window and sat down. Catra rose a brow at Glimmer’s weird behavior, but after a few minutes, she quietly adjusted herself to face the window as well. For the rest of the evening, the two of them watched the clouds swim by as the sky turned dark.   
And for the whole duration of Catra’s stay in the clinic, Adora never left. Even with their friends and nurses coming by constantly, she stayed sitting in the chair next to her bed. Both nights Catra had tried to convince Adora to return to their room to rest but she refused.   
She played with Catra’s hand until the girl fell asleep, then she rested her head on the side of the bed and also fell asleep.   
Adora was the first thing Catra saw when she woke up again. It made her heart jump in joy. Now that her secret was out in the open, she realized that the people around her were quite supportive. And seeing Adora like that, unwilling to leave her side, made her appreciate their bond so much more. She sighed and squeezed Adora’s hand in an attempt to wake her.   
Adora lifted her head and smiled sleepily, sitting up and yawning. The girl peeked her eyes open as she stretched out and smiled wider. “There’s that smile I love and missed.”   
Catra shook her head with a chuckle and pulled her towards her for a hug. “Thank you, Adora.”  
Adora pulled back and looked at her with mild confusion, then she smiled again. “I do this because I love you. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”   
Catra tucked herself under Adora’s chin. “I know. I love you too.”  
There was a cough from the door and the girls looked up. There was a slim woman standing with a clipboard. “Catra, right? Are you ready to talk a little bit?”   
The duo glanced back at each other and Adora saw Catra’s apprehension. She carefully laid a hand on her cheek. “Hey, I can sit in with you if you want. You don’t have to do this by yourself anymore, remember.”   
Catra gulped and lowered her head. “I’m not scared.”   
Adora smiled. “I didn’t say you were scared. I said I’d stay with you.”  
Catra grunted and crossed her arms. “Whatever.”   
The woman tapped her pen on the clipboard to get the girls’ attention again. “If you want her to sit on our session, that’s your choice. But from here on out, you have to be clear about what you’re saying. It would seem you have some heavy things on your mind, but grunts and ‘whatevers’ aren’t going to get us anywhere.”   
Catra felt a growl in the back of her throat but shoved it down. “Okay then…” She sat in thought for a minute, trying to think about what things she’d have to talk about and if she’d want Adora listening in on it.   
She sighed and glanced up. “You’re not going to be mad if I don’t want you to stay, are you?”   
Adora blinked in surprised, but then tightened her grip on her hand. “Of course not, Catra. It’s completely up to you.”  
Catra nodded. “Alright, then I think I want to do it by myself, at least for now.”   
Adora nodded back. “I respect that. I’ll come back in a little bit.” Then she kissed her on the cheek and walked out of the room.  
Catra and the therapist met eyes.   
“Ready?”  
Catra sighed. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”


	5. Therapy (Scars cont'd)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of Scars. Catra receives therapy for coping and adjusting to a new, peaceful life. Adora helps along the way in making steps as an official couple. TW of self-harm still applies.

The tall woman sat in the chair that Adora just left and flipped over a paper on her clipboard. She double-checked that all of the basic information she had on her patient was correct. She set the clipboard in her lap, then she started…

“What’s your favorite color?”

Catra was taken back and rose a brow. “Excuse me?”

The woman smiled. “Your favorite color, what is it?”

“Tch, this is stupid.” Catra crossed her arms.

The woman, Dr. T, sighed. “Would you rather I jump right into the trauma that’s created your problems?”

Catra went wide-eyed at the comment.

“See? You don’t like that idea, so let’s start with simple things to get to know each other.” She waited a moment to see if Catra would respond and continued to talk when she got no response. “My favorite color is purple. It’s just a nice, elegant color. Now it’s your turn.”

Catra huffed and pulled her knees up to rest her chin on them. “I don’t have a favorite color.” She mumbled.

Dr. T sighed. “Okay, so then tell me about when you first realized the Horde was bad.”

Catra froze at the thought of the Fright Zone and all the bad things that happened there. She thought and thought and thought, and finally…

“Blue.”

“Huh?”

“That’s…my favorite color.” Catra said, then thought, ‘Blue like Adora’s eyes.’

The therapist smiled. “Blue, good choice. Let’s continue.”

Adora casually made her way back to the infirmary after about an hour. She knocked on the door before peaking in and was surprised to see a smile on Catra’s face. She had almost expected to see Catra in fight-or-flight mode. The magicat turned when she heard her and smiled brighter.

“Hey Adora.”

Adora chuckled. “Hey Catra, how’d it go?”

Catra’s smile lowered to a thinking face and she glanced to the other woman in the room. The therapist stood up and grinned. “Don’t look at me. Use your words.”

Catra huffed and pouted away from them. “I think it was good. Just started with basic stuff.”

Dr. T nodded and excused herself. Adora sat back in her chair.

“That’s good. Hopefully she can help.”

“So, um…” Catra started. Adora eyed her patiently, waiting for her to speak. “They’re probably going to require me to stay for a few more days, but I was wondering if you wanted to have a sort of date night here with me tonight?”

Adora smiled the brightest she had that day. “Of course, I would! Do you have something in mind?”

Catra gave a nervous chuckle. “Heh, uh, there’s probably not much we can do while I’m stuck here.”

Adora put a hand to her chin in thought, then snapped her fingers with a bright idea.

Catra giggled as Adora moved her hands in the light. She was always fascinated by the things they learned from Brightmoon. Adora had searched for a flashlight and they were now making “shadow puppets” with their hands. Catra held the light as Adora fiddled with her fingers to make different shapes. Her pictures got weird and she furrowed her brow as she tried to think of another picture to make with her hands.

Adora glanced back at Catra after a few tries and lowered her hands. “You want to try it?”

Catra groaned. “I can’t do all those cool things you were doing.”

Adora chuckled. “You don’t have to be like me. Just move your hands around until you see a picture.”

Catra nervously traded with her girlfriend. She put her hands in the air and kind of just sat there not knowing what to do. Then she felt a hand on top of hers. She peeked over and saw Adora leaning up to show her what to do with one hand. Adora smiled lovingly at her as she finally started producing images in the light. Catra smirked in victory.

It was always the simple things that pleased the two of them.

“So, how did it go?”

Catra gave a toothy grin. “Pretty well, actually. We had a good time.”

Dr. T smiled. “That’s good. I’m glad you took my advice on that.”

It was the next day and the therapist was back again as required. It hadn’t taken Catra all that much time to open up, surprisingly. She narrowed it down to the fact that she was just less caring about everything lately.

“Yesterday we talked a good bit about Adora and how I want you to bond with her again. Let’s start today with something a little darker.” Dr. T said.

Catra tensed up. “Like what?”

The therapist readied herself. “Like Shadow Weaver.”

Catra felt her jaw clench and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want to talk about her.”

“We don’t have to get to the nitty-gritty stuff. Just give me a basis to work with.”

Catra released a shaky breath. “She was…brutal to say the least. She hated me so much. Only put up with me because of Adora.”

“Did this strain your relationship with Adora?”

“I… Yeah. She was the chosen one. For both sides…”

“How does that make you feel?”

Catra sputtered for a minute, not sure how to talk about her feelings. “I don’t like it. Still don’t. We were all we ever needed and now the whole planet needs her too. It’s not fair!”

The therapist gave her a minute. “Not everything is fair.”

Catra was ready to lash out at the comment. Of course it’s not.

“But, what you’ve been through is more than anyone should have to experience. It’s not fair to you that Adora was your only family and everyone else was abusive.”

Catra slouched down and rose a brow. “Abusive? That’s considered abuse?”

Dr. T nodded. “Yes, indeed. Did you ever think what they did was right?”

Catra pouted. “Well, no. I always kind of knew that what was going on wasn’t really right, but what was I supposed to do? I was a kid.”

“You’re right. What’s a kid supposed to do other than survive? But you did survive, and you’re making things better. The fact that you feel so guilty over it all that you would hurt yourself speaks to that.” Dr. T explained.

Catra dropped her head. That made sense. Finally something was starting to get pieced together. They continued talking until the end of the hour. It was mostly about her own guilt and upbringing, but it was progress. Little by little.

As Dr. T was leaving the infirmary that day, a blonde ponytail caught her attention. “Ah, Adora, we just finished.”

Adora smiled and stopped in front of her. “Thanks, uh…”

The therapist quirked her head. “Something wrong?”

Adora rubbed the back of her head. “It’s just… Is there anything I can do to help? Like, sometimes things just feel off between us.”

Dr. T gave a sad smile. “Well, I can’t say much due to patient confidentiality, but from what I know, I’d say to try to understand that Catra’s suffered many losses.”

Adora was shocked. “What do you mean? I’m still here.”

The woman sighed. “Yes, but she’s lost you before and had to suffer for it.”

Adora lowered her head. “Okay, I’ll try. Thank you, Doctor.”

“But Adora…” the therapist continued. Adora halted and turned back. “Catra’s not helpless either. You don’t always have to be the hero.”

Those words rang in her ears. Some people had commented on her always feeling like she had to be a hero. Then she continued down the hall towards her destination. She peaked her head in and is usually greeted with a smile, but not today.

“Hey, Catra? Everything okay?”

Catra had her arms crossed and whipped her head away from her. “Go away.”

“H-Hey, what’s wrong?! Was the session rough today?”

Catra growled. “You could say that.”

Adora reached for the chair and sat down next to her. “Not every time is going to be good. She’s here to help work through the tough things.”

“I know that!” Catra’s face was tense.

Adora sat still for a moment, then sighed and reached for her hand. Catra yelped at the feeling.

“It’s okay, Catra. We don’t have to talk about anything, but I’m still here no matter what.”

Catra’s lips quivered as she maintained a growl, then she huffed and squeezed Adora’s hand in return.

Catra was released the next day under the promise that she would return for therapy on her own. She and Adora eagerly returned to their room and Catra collapsed onto the bed.

“I never thought I’d miss this stupid bed.”

They both smiled and Adora sat down next to her. “I know, I used to think the same thing, but you get used to it.”

Catra chuckled. “After sleeping on those metal beds for so long, I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it.”

“Why don’t we relax until your next session? You’ve had a rough couple of days.” Adora offered as she laid down next to her.

Catra tried to conceal a purr as she nuzzled up to her. “That sounds good.”

After the two of them got comfortable, Adora spoke up again. “So how are the therapy sessions going?”

Catra made an ‘eh’ face and shrugged. “They’re going okay. We’re working on my insecurities.”

“Do you think they’re helping?”

“I mean, I think so. I am understanding myself a little bit better.”

Adora nodded her head and remained quiet. Catra rose a brow and leaned up.

“You’re not going to ask anything else about it?”

Adora shook her head now. “Nope, I’m respecting your boundaries. I won’t push for info, but if you want to share, I will definitely listen.”

Catra blinked a couple times in amazement. The old Adora would’ve wanted to know everything. But then again, things are different from before.

She smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Adora. Maybe…” She sighed roughly and sat up, making Adora follow her to sit up. “We’ve been talking about my rough past and how it was…abusive, basically.”

Adora opened her mouth to respond, but thought better of it. Catra continued.

“I’ve always kind of resented how you were everyone’s favorite and I was second-best; how Shadow Weaver only tolerated me because you liked me, like I was some pet, and abused and manipulated me. She never loved me. And…how you never did anything to help. But… Dr. T says you were probably scared too, and all those little things like comforting me in the night were your ways of trying to help.”

Adora had tears in her eyes and hung her head. “I always wanted to do more for you.” She spoke through the tears.

Catra frowned and wrapped her arms around her. “Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m not mad about it, at least not anymore.”

They sat in each other’s arms for a few minutes before Catra pulled back to brush away Adora’s tears. “We don’t have to talk about it anymore. Let’s relax like you said.”

Adora nodded, still a little tearful, and let Catra usher her to lay down together.

After their little cat nap, they walked back to the infirmary part of the building, but this time they were led to a different hallway specifically for counseling. Adora squeezed her hand and smiled.

“Go on, I’ll be here when you’re done.”

Catra shrugged and entered the room, closing the door behind her.

“Catra! Good to see you out of the infirmary. How are you doing?” Dr. T asked from behind her desk.

She finished writing something on a paper then joined Catra. She sat in a cushioned chair and ushered Catra to pick a seat. There was a long couch for laying on or a small loveseat. She rose a brow at the therapist then sat in the loveseat.

“Alright, let’s pick up where we left off; the way people treated you and how you were raised made you resentful and hurt you.” Catra just nodded. “I’m going to change the topic a little bit today, more about you specifically.”

“Uh, okay.” Catra let the doctor go on. She had a feeling she wasn’t going to like it, though.

Dr. T leaned forward. “What about the bad things you’ve done? Can we talk about those?”

The hair rose on the back of Catra’s neck. She gritted her teeth together. “Sure, what choice do I have?”

“You do have some choice, remember. If it’s too much right now, we don’t have to do it, but I do think it’s something important to discuss.”

Catra squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, then opened them. “Fine, I did some bad things. I hurt others. I worked for the Horde and messed up the planet. I…”

She squeezed her eyes shut again, remembering what happened the last time Adora was in the Fright Zone.

“I opened a portal and almost killed everyone…” She spoke in a hushed, hurt whisper.

They both sat quietly for a moment. “Are you okay with that?”

Tears fell from Catra’s eyes. “No! It’s not that I wanted to hurt people! I was hurting so bad that I didn’t care what happened!”

Dr. T sat stunned. That was quite a revelation for the girl to come to on her own. “So, you’re saying that…you wanted to hurt yourself and didn’t care how it happened.”

Catra sniffled and wiped her face. “I guess so. But then I saw Adora’s face after she destroyed the portal, and she was so mad it scared me. Made me think about things. But of course I was still set in my ways.”

“Are there any other moments you recall when you felt like that, to hurt yourself or not care about yourself?”

There were a couple small memories she recalled, but one stood out to her.

“When Glimmer found me after my fight with Hordak. What was the point? I always lose. So when she walked up, I didn’t really care if she had killed me. I had done some pretty awful things to her anyway.”

Dr. T nodded and scribbled a few things on her notepad.

“Okay, I have two new goals for you. One, take responsibility for your actions, past, present, and future. And no, hurting yourself is not taking responsibility. You have to own up to what you did and correct it or apologize.”

Catra started to protest, then huffed in agreement when Dr. T didn’t argue back with her.

“Second goal, don’t take things personally. Yes, some people were abusive, but most of them were just trying to survive and do what they thought was best, just like you were. This especially goes for Adora. I know she left you, but she did what she thought was best for everyone and when she did see you again after the sword, she had asked you to go with her. Your refusal meant you took her leaving personal. Imagine if you were in her shoes and just found out you were a magical savior? You’ve got a tough and quick decision to make.”

Catra opened and closed her mouth several to try to respond, but ultimately Dr. T was right. She sighed.

“So, I have to take more responsibility and not take things personal. Those are my new goals?”

The therapist nodded.

Catra internally groaned. “Okay, I’ll try.”

After a short time, Catra left the therapist’s office. She was momentarily confused when she didn’t see Adora anywhere, but then the princess came swerving quickly around the corner.

“Hey! Oh no, were you waiting for me?” Adora asked worriedly.

Catra chuckled and nudged her away with her hand. “No way, I would’ve left without you.”

Adora smiled and they started walking away. “So how was it?”

Catra shrugged for the third time that day. “It was okay. I don’t know what you want me to say. We’re getting into deeper things, but I’m fine.”

Adora slipped her hand into hers. “That’s all I want to hear, that you’re good.”

Catra glanced at her and smiled softly. “Thanks… And for the record, I had just finished the session, but I would’ve waited for you.”

Adora smiled too and guided them away. “I know.”

_‘Okay, goal one is to bond with Adora again. Goal two is to take responsibility for myself. Goal three is to not take things personal. I can work on these, I think.’_

Catra was thinking to herself as she walked through the castle. She had a destination in mind and hoped she would find this person alone. She peered into the conference room and was relieved to find the person.

Glimmer looked up when she heard light footsteps enter the room instead of the usual combat boots. “Oh, Catra. What’re you doing? Our meeting doesn’t start for 20 more minutes.”

_Catra puffed her chest with a deep breath, then relaxed herself. “I need to talk about something with you.”_

_Glimmer rose a brow. “You want to talk with me? About what? We’re not exactly friends or anything.”_

_Catra rubbed the back of her head. “Y-yeah, I know. I just…want to apologize for everything.”_

_Glimmer instantly frowned. “Catra, you don’t have to do this.”_

_“No, I need you to listen to me. Please…” Catra pleaded._

_Glimmer crossed her arms and thought for a minute, then sighed. “Fine, go ahead.”_

_Catra sighed in relief. “Thank you… I need to apologize for all of the bad things I did in the past. I hurt you, and I hurt Adora, and I hurt a lot of Etherians. It doesn’t make it right just because I had a rough childhood. I’m not asking for forgiveness, because what I did to you was probably the worst of all. When I opened that portal…” She left out the major painful point. “I was only thinking about myself; how I was so hurt that I’d do anything to change things. But like I said, nothing could possibly make that right. So… I’m sorry.”_

_Glimmer stood stunned, arms now loose at her sides, eyes wide. “C…Catra, that’s so…” She swallowed the knot in her throat from remembering the pain. “Thank you, Catra. That means a lot.”_

At least, that is what Catra wanted to say.

“Catra?”

She looked back to the Queen. Catra had just stood there for a moment, trying to think what to say.

But none of it felt right to speak. It didn’t feel comfortable to say aloud to Glimmer.

Catra huffed before crossing her arms. “I’m sorry for everything, Sparkles.” She mumbled.

Glimmer blinked in surprise, then smiled. “Thanks, Catra.”

Catra smiled sadly and nodded. “You need help setting up anything for the meeting.”

Glimmer smirked. “Like you know how to work this tech.”

“Hey! I’ve learned a lot since moving here!” Catra replied with a smirk as well.

After a few minutes, the princesses started arriving to the conference room. Adora was surprised to see Catra already there, and joking around with Glimmer at that. She waved Catra over as she sat down and Catra eagerly joined her.

“You’re here early.” Adora commented.

Catra chuckled. “I just…had to get something off my chest with Glimmer – I mean Sparkles!”

Adora chuckled as well and grabbed her hand. “I’m glad.”

Soon the meeting started, and as it does so happen often, it was about assisting people still recovering from the war. Catra had learned to accept most of what had happened in the past, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have regrets still. It always stung a little bit when they talked about villages she had a direct impact on.

Adora must’ve noticed that Catra wasn’t feeling so good and squeezed her hand in reassurance without even looking.

Catra started having flashbacks as images of the damaged village popped up into the projector. She remembered giving the orders to ransack the buildings in search of Etherian artifacts. She remembered the squabble she had with Scorpia about how things should be done. She remembered yelling at soldiers to continue moving even though they hadn’t rested in days.

She unconsciously squeezed Adora’s hand tight as these memories flooded her. This made Adora glance over and she could tell instantly that Catra was having another internal battle from the pained expression on her face.

Adora slid over to face her directly, squeezed both of her hands now in reassurance, and whispered to her.

“Catra, it’s not real.”

Catra shook her head wildly. “It is, Adora. I did all of those bad things.” She hushed back.

This made Adora realize what was happening. “Do you need to get out of here?”

Catra shook her head again, this time a little calmer. Her voice shook. “N-No. I’ll be okay. Just give me a minute.”

Then Catra rested her forehead against Adora’s shoulder. Adora rested her head on top of hers. After a few minutes, Catra’s hold on her hands loosened and she slowly sat up. She nodded at Adora before sitting all the way back into her seat. Adora never let go of her hand, even as she seemed to turn her attention back to the meeting.

That night, Adora was sitting up in bed as she read an ancient Etherian book. She was always trying to learn things that might help her help others. Catra was in the adjoining bathroom to prep for bedtime. Something was nagging in the back of her head that Catra might be taking too long in the bathroom. The girl didn’t have an extensive bedtime ritual like others.

Catra stood facing the mirror clad in her pajamas. She felt pressure in her chest like she hadn’t felt in a while, since she was in the infirmary. She shook her head, trying to ease the thoughts away from her mind. She hands squeezed the sink counter as she tried to maintain control. She was afraid if she let go then she’d hurt herself. She took several deep breaths. She needed to do something to calm herself down.

After a few minutes, Adora heard the door click open. She peaked over her book and instantly knew something was wrong.

Catra stood still once she was through the door. Her hands shook in front of her body.

What caught Adora’s attention the most was that Catra’s claws were out.

She tossed her book aside and jumped out of bed. She started to reach out for her, but thought better of it for now. “Catra, what’s wrong?”

She didn’t have to touch her to see her jaw was tense and her arms were shaking.

“I’m…”

_Afraid_ is what she wanted to say.

“Gonna’ hurt.”

Adora’s eyes went wide. “Are you going to hurt yourself?”

A nod of the head is all the response she got.

She didn’t bother asking for permission to touch her at this point. Adora placed her hands into Catra’s taut hands. It got the exact reaction she was hoping for.

Catra seemed to wake up and quickly retracted her claws to avoid hurting Adora.

Adora pulled Catra’s hands to her chest. Catra rose a brow at first, but then understood once she felt Adora’s heartbeat.

“You got this, but you need to breathe. Follow me.” Adora spoke to comfort her. Then she took a slow deep breath and was glad when Catra followed her. Then they both slowly exhaled. This continued several times over until Catra looked somewhat calmer.

“Have you come back?”

Catra took another breath. “A little bit.”

“Can we sit down in bed together? Make you a bit more comfortable.” Adora asked.

Catra nodded and let Adora pull her towards their bed.

“How do you want to sit? We can lay down and cuddle. Or you could sit next to me while we look at my book. Or…” Adora stopped there to leave it open-ended for Catra to choose.

As Adora sat down in her spot, she was somewhat surprised that Catra plopped right into her lap. Catra settled herself on top of Adora, tucking her head under her chin and wrapping her arms around her waist. Her tail wrapped around one of Adora’s legs and she settled into a comfortable position.

Adora smiled and began rubbing one of Catra’s ear. A light purr came from below her.

‘This is good.’ Adora thought to herself.

Several nights later, the couple was sound asleep when loud footsteps quickly approached their room. Catra heard it much earlier than Adora and shook her awake. A rapid knock came on the door and Adora rushed up to answer it. There was some frantic shouting from the soldier before Bow caught up and explained much calmer that there was an emergency somewhere in Etheria. Catra jumped up as she heard this.

“I’m going with you.”

Adora whipped around to her. “No, you’re not. This is my job. I’ll take care of this.”

“Tch, I have to stay behind while Bow and Glimmer go with you to play hero?! How’s that fair?!” Catra exclaimed.

Pain swept through Adora. “Catra…”

_You don’t always have to be the hero._

Adora sighed loudly and motioned for Catra to follow. Catra blinked in surprise before pouncing after them.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Adora commented as they ran down the hall to join the soldiers.

“Tch, are you kidding me? Adora, I can handle myself. I fought you toe-to-toe enough times.” Catra replied smart-alecky.

Adora smiled and dismissed her with a shake of her head.

Many moons have passed.

An abrupt alarm sounded from next to the bed. Catra groaned and pushed away from her lover, who jumped up without another thought. Adora slammed the alarm in response so that the crew would know she heard it. She swiftly changed clothes and grabbed her fighting gear. The lights were still off. It was all muscle memory for the princess. And included in that muscle memory was to stop by the bed before running off to save the world.

Catra sat up in bed and smiled sleepily when Adora cupped her cheek to kiss her.

“Be safe.”

Adora smile. “Promise.”


End file.
